A name......

A few of our other girls have middle names that I would classify as  virtues, words that have a meaning or describe a quality. Isabel Joy I liked, and she has grown every day to personify Joy. She is one of the happiest, most loving people I know.  Whitney Hope. I chose her middle name because at 14 weeks we had a problem with the placenta, including a lot of bleeding, and constant fear the rest of the pregnancy that we would lose her. She made it through and so Hope reminds me that even when the odds are against someone, she can still make it through. And how much we hoped and prayed for her to be a part of our family.
When choosing a name while I was pregnant, I was having a very hard time, we had lots of suggestions, ideas, old lists of names from the other girls.  I had liked Lauren for quite a while, but Scott thought of it as a boy's name. I never heard of a boy named Lauren except at college in Idaho. So it was on the veto list with previous children. However, he relented with this pregnancy, giving me pretty much full choice on a name I liked.  Following the trend from the other two girls, I looked at middle names that embraced good qualities. Grace seemd to flow so well with Lauren, and grace has so many good meanings. To me, I envision grace as a Victorian English lady, always polite, kind, proper, walking with an air of confidence and compassion.We always wait to see our babies before we name them, so I kept the name in my mental list and didn't really share it with anyone. We called her "Baby Sister" the whole time in the belly. Today  I looked in the dictionary the definition of grace:

1. elegance and beauty of movement, form, expression, or proportion
2. a pleasing or charming quality
3. goodwill or favour
4. the granting of a favour or the manifestation of goodwill, esp by a superior
5. a sense of propriety and consideration for others
6. (plural) affectation of manner (esp in the phrase airs and graces)
7. in someone's good graces ⇒ regarded favourably and with kindness by someone
8. mercy; clemency
9. the free and unmerited favour of God shown towards man
10. the divine assistance and power given to man in spiritual rebirth and sanctification
11. the condition of being favoured or sanctified by God
12. an unmerited gift, favour, etc, granted by God

When we were given the news that our baby had no heartbeat, and that she would need to be delivered sleeping, Scott and I both went into a kind of shock, but also into a mode where we knew we had to get through this, we had to deliver this baby safely and then get through each step after that. Somehow we were given the strength not to crumble at that moment. When we knew what was ahead, and as we began the induction, I knew that the name I had had in my head and heart for months would be the name. All the things I had worried about, like what the name rhymes with, whether people could spell the name, were not important any more. Her name would just be for us, and unfortunately for her headstone.  I think the name fits her, she is so beautiful, so peaceful, she is elegant, charming, and she will be given back to us someday because of the grace of God. We choose to remember her, to say her name and include her as our daughter and sister because we believe that families are forever, that even though we never got to meet her on earth, we will see her again and she will be ours.  We love you, Lauren Grace.

This is a print out of her headstone, which has not been placed yet. We went immediately after her burial to choose it, since it was our only chance being in Orem. The memorial place was so kind and helpful and I had already decided what I wanted, another gift I was given, to be able to be clear and decisive, because you only get one chance. I think it turned out very well.